tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post3076052871484833742..comments2024-03-15T03:19:28.369-04:00Comments on <p align="center">Adventures in Barding</p>: Visible & Invisible MothersBarra the Bardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13996228408414181965noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-19869957855560381532022-06-10T05:41:52.153-04:002022-06-10T05:41:52.153-04:00Read Full Report more helpful hints More Help fi... 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Thank you! And maybe she will feel di...Mary Grace,<br /><br />Thank you! And maybe she will feel differently by the time I see her again.....We've always disagreed on the subject of sharing personal events with others. IMO, secrecy only causes more problems, and makes me sicker physically, mentally and spiritually. Half the terrible domestic tragedies we see reported every day might not happen with more communication between those involved. Less drama for reporters, but better in the long run!Barra the Bardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13996228408414181965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-60822241576063578952013-05-14T08:06:03.072-04:002013-05-14T08:06:03.072-04:00Beautiful and tender reflection, Barra. Your mothe...Beautiful and tender reflection, Barra. Your mother might be horrified at your writing these paragraphs, but your babies love you for sharing their story. Mary Grace Ketnerhttp://talesandlegends.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-71321929055168597792013-05-13T20:12:32.338-04:002013-05-13T20:12:32.338-04:00Margaret, Thank you! We often do take modern healt...Margaret, Thank you! We often do take modern health care for granted. I'm glad you and your family all survived.<br /><br />I was about the same age as you were when I went back to campus after the 1st time I had to drop out because of money problems. 1st friend I saw, Winnie, had been pregnant the last times I'd seen her, obviously no longer was. I sang out, "Hi, Winnie! How's the baby?"<br /><br />To my horror, she hissed, "He died of SIDS a month ago. Any other questions?" and ran.<br /><br />I felt horrible!<br /><br />The next time I saw her, 2 weeks later, we both apologized. No one had told me, and when she'd stopped crying, she'd realized it. I still feel badly, although the last I heard, she'd had two other children, but I don't think we ever spoke again. Being 19 and not knowing what to do are both hard!<br /><br />--BarraBarra the Bardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13996228408414181965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-56082092021355744512013-05-13T13:18:17.769-04:002013-05-13T13:18:17.769-04:00Hi Karen,
I have been fortunate. My three childre...Hi Karen,<br /><br />I have been fortunate. My three children and my three grandchildren are all alive and healthy.<br /><br />Although, if not for modern medicine and for living here, I and my third child would have died during labor. Thanks to a modern, simple C-section, I have a 25 1/2 year old son and the miracle of 25 1/2 more years of life.<br /><br />When I was 19 and home for the summer, a former classmate from my first school moved into a house a mile from me. One mile. I wanted to go to see her, and seemed to not make that idea into my list of things to do. I did know she was pregnant. Maybe not having a script for that particular event had me hesitant.<br /><br />And then the birth. Still no visit.<br /><br />And then the death from SIDS.<br /><br />I was frozen. I definitely did not have as script.<br /><br />One mile. She was alone in small house on a back country road.<br /><br />One mile. And now I know the script. Hug the lady. Hug her until she breaks the hug. Go back the next day and the next and the next. Hug, hug, hug. And then listen.<br /><br />One mile. If I did have an event that I could relive, re-do, it would be that. I would walk that one mile.Margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11002970021015589613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-18041220073805550402013-05-13T12:39:38.806-04:002013-05-13T12:39:38.806-04:00Thank you, Jane...You're right, people do seem...Thank you, Jane...You're right, people do seem to want to rush people past grieving. It's my main objection to Kubler-Ross's stages of grief theory; she makes it sound so cut-and-dried, one size fits all--and it doesn't! Each person grieves differently, at different rates. I think a lot of the rushing has to do with *their* discomfort, not knowing what to say or do, fear of what-if-that-happened-to-me (as if it was contagious). Kind of like the woman in an article I read last week. Her friend was dying of cancer, but she insisted on seeing her anyway--and then told the dying woman's husband that she didn't know if she could handle her friend's impending death, as if it was about HER and not the dying woman! But isn't friendship and kinship supporting and feelling with each other? Thank thee, friend!--BarraBarra the Bardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13996228408414181965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-45544193586995409192013-05-13T12:30:49.897-04:002013-05-13T12:30:49.897-04:00Oh, Mary, thank you! Wish I could be more nurturin...Oh, Mary, thank you! Wish I could be more nurturing....Barra the Bardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13996228408414181965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-66934976778602443162013-05-13T12:29:36.251-04:002013-05-13T12:29:36.251-04:00Thank you, Karen! I told John last night that I th...Thank you, Karen! I told John last night that I think there was more support in rural communities 100 years ago for families suffering this, and that's sad too. It was a huge relief for me when a clergyman friend, Rev Zev, asked me what their names were. No one else ever has...they were baptized in the Light.Barra the Bardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13996228408414181965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-15546819169455641032013-05-13T12:25:51.795-04:002013-05-13T12:25:51.795-04:0010,000 hugs back, Tony! Thank you! Um, what I mean...10,000 hugs back, Tony! Thank you! Um, what I meant, though, was that I'm an orphaned parent. Usually we use that word to refer to a parentless child, but I and women (and men who've lost their babies too) are childless parents, orphaned by that loss. Sorry I wasn't clearer.Barra the Bardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13996228408414181965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-60639804816566238322013-05-13T12:23:35.334-04:002013-05-13T12:23:35.334-04:00Thank you! How kind of you to share those losses i...Thank you! How kind of you to share those losses in your family. Unlike my mother, who would *not* be happy with me for my post, I believe in the Scottish proverb that "a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved, and a joy shared is doubled," but she was much more reticent than I am. I try to judge less as I get older; how do I know what things are like for others? But I hope this makes someone else feel a little less alone. I still miss my mother, and my sister, very much every day--and my babies. Thank you again!Barra the Bardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13996228408414181965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-11654863126728945212013-05-13T12:00:34.128-04:002013-05-13T12:00:34.128-04:00Thank you Barra. I only occasionally think of the ...Thank you Barra. I only occasionally think of the early miscarraige I had. No one lets you grieve, they want to rush you past it.<br />There is a Jewish custom to give money ot the synogogue on the occassion of he first son's birth, buying him back from the priests. My husband reminded me when we had our son, that the other one might have been a boy and we'd, by Jewish law, already given him up.--Janeharthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17429442912701353172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-87107605454353054762013-05-13T11:18:25.420-04:002013-05-13T11:18:25.420-04:00This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it, and ...This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing it, and for all the nurturing you have given to so many.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-8768505101629253052013-05-13T10:42:49.860-04:002013-05-13T10:42:49.860-04:00Dear Barra,
My own mother lost a son, my brother ...Dear Barra,<br /><br />My own mother lost a son, my brother Kevin, at the moment of birth. She never spoke about it, only to tell us his name, that he was baptized and his date of birth. I know she carried that grief within all of her days. It is so terribly sad that women, through the ages, have suffered in silence. Thank you for giving them a voice.Karen Chacehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12419511205674143737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-51804206361897052822013-05-13T10:07:29.363-04:002013-05-13T10:07:29.363-04:00Wow, Barra, what a beautiful opening of your heart...Wow, Barra, what a beautiful opening of your heart, sharing the deepest part of you, yearning and celebrating and loving your orphaned children who might have been. My eyes got misty reading it. I send you 10,000 hugs through this post. Tony ToledoTony Toledohttp://www.tonytoledo.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1815308540823727889.post-43469621983395606312013-05-13T09:55:25.513-04:002013-05-13T09:55:25.513-04:00Beautifully written, Barra. Once a mother, always ...Beautifully written, Barra. Once a mother, always a mother. I know the grief at the loss of a child too. Although I had my daughter for almost 21 years, this grief is everlasting whatever consolation may be achieved. I dealed with that loss through writing my book Blue Angel. I remember when I was age 3 staring at my baby brother's white coffin. He lived 3 days. My mother coped with her grief by taking up smoking. She died at age 71 of COPD. I still miss her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com